I have been driving for as long as I can remember. Now, you might take that to mean that I can’t remember a time in my life where I couldn’t drive, or you might think I’m being hyperbolic. You’d be wrong about that.
Whether it’s been days, weeks, months or years, I’m not really sure at this point. But my entire living memory involves me being behind the wheel. I must have had a life before this literally endless drive, but I do not remember it.
How did I get here? Funny story, but to cut it short, my car brakes are broken and my foot is stuck to the accelerator by a piece of gum. I literally cannot stop driving. Not even for a traffic light. I must have racked up a lot of fines over my drive, but I can’t pay them, as I don’t even know if I have a home address anymore. My car doesn’t need petrol. I think I must have been a test driver for Torstla and their new self-sustaining electric car. Well, it works. Maybe a little too well, if you ask me.
After the first few red light runs, I did have a few police cars chasing after me. Okay, I’m talking it down a little. It was like that scene from the Jazz Brothers where there’s an entire army of cops after them. They weren’t able to catch me. Eventually, they just gave up, because it’s clear I’m such a good driver that I wasn’t putting anyone in danger. I can even write blog posts while I drive!
If only I could find a car mechanic near me, who was willing to do repairs while the car is in motion! Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem anyone is brave enough. At least all of the restaurant drive-thrus are used to my speedy approach now. I call ahead, and they always have my food ready, so I can grab it as I zoom fast.
What’s that? You wonder how I deal with the toilet issue? Trust me, you don’t want to know.