Today was just one of those days, you know? Work isn’t always easy, especially when you’re harnessing the power of a thousand suns, funnelling that same power into electricity and sending it across the galaxy. I had to meet with the Ruler of Planet today. His name was Donny Trumpet or something. Honestly, I can’t be bothered remembering his name (do Earthlings even have genders? This creature seemed like a male, at least). When you have to visit as many planets as I do, it gets hard to remember names. Such is life as the High Ambassador for Industrial Solar.
The meeting didn’t go exactly as I expected. Most lifeforms rejoice when we offer them an unlimited amount of free and clean energy, in exchange for becoming citizens of the Industrial Solar Galactic Empire™. It’s literally a win-win for them. Unlimited energy, join the fastest growing galactic superpower. Why wouldn’t they be interested?
President Trumpet (or was it Crumpet?) wouldn’t hear a word of it. “We already have the best energy in the galaxy. Our energy has been making America great for years now. You have no idea how great our energy is. Come back when you have a degree in nuclear physics and a nuclear power plant half as impressive as ours. Which you won’t, because that’s impossible.”
My, my, how rude. After that exchange, I went to set up a station for commercial energy monitoring near Melbourne, to see just how true these claims were. It was there that I discovered the Earthlings still use fossil fuels! Outraged, I flew right back to President Trumpet and offered him our clean petrol as well. That had to convince him.
All he said was, “You are an annoying little creature. You have no idea how much money this country makes from petrol companies, begging us to continue using fossil fuels. No idea. You should mind your own business and go back to space. If you don’t, I will send the Space Force after you.”
My, my. Well, if they don’t want clean energy and fuel, it’s their funeral. Literally.