You know, I’ve always thought that a career in podiatry would be fulfilling. And by ‘always’, I do of course mean the couple of months that I’ve been alive. Or…not quite alive, but you know what I mean, tee-hee.
Since my feet are just bones, I can see how they’re put together. Quite complex they are, as well, which I learned one time when I leapt down from a tree to perform an unearthly jig and accidentally snapped off a couple of my toe bones. It didn’t hurt in the slightest, but it did take me a while to figure out how to put my toes back onto my feet. Those things are important for walking, as it turns out.
Gave me some insight into the world of podiatrists, and all the things they have to put up with. Those foot specialist clinics open in Cheltenham? Surely, that’s quite a job! If you were a skull doctor…well, I already know from looking in the mirror at my spooky, handsome mug that it’d be quite easy. It’s all just one big piece of bone, not including the teeth, but there’s no such thing as a tooth doctor. Can you imagine! “Yes, hello, I’m a tooth doctor. I look into people’s mouths all day, because I specialise in fixing and removing teeth.”
How silly! But anyway, podiatrists have to take care of all those little toe joints on top of all of the fungus problems, and I’m guessing their jurisdiction extends to ankles, which are once again more complicated. I can see my ankle…all complex and full of joints. And this is without ligaments!
Maybe I need to see a podiatrist…with my magical disguise, of course. All those unearthly jigs have to be doing a bit of damage, and the jury is still out on whether I’m able to heal like a real person. Maybe I can’t! In which case, I’m getting myself some arch support insoles, asap. It won’t look great, but without my feet, I cannot jig.
These feet were made for jigging. And that’s just what they’ll do!
-Rattlebones