The Scooterer’s Hubris

Me again!

Oh, I did it! I did it this time, folks! I made fun of that poor woman for being clumsy, and God rapped me across the knuckles for it! Here I am, just a few months into my recovery for my damaged rotator cuff (going very nicely, thank you for asking), and what did I go and do?

I broke my scapula! My scapula! Just like that woman did! Truly, the Lord has a sense of humour. Most people injure their scapulae (I know, very fancy) with big impacts, like car accidents; so what did I do? I ran into a tree on my scooter!

Well, I guess there’s no getting away from it. It’s what you’re all here for: the details. Again, just to emphasise, I’m not a doctor! I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, it only sounds like I do because I’ve just left an actual doctor’s office.

A scapula fracture fixation ­­– which is what I have to have, apparently – is a slightly more annoying surgery than last time, where they just slipped a shoulder arthroscope into me and did their good work; no, this time they’ve got to actually open my shoulder up and insert a metal plate and some screws. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me a little nervous.

But I guess that’s why I’m travelling to the best shoulder injury specialists around. Melbourne is a pretty city, at least, and I’ll get to see my daughter. And that mean, dim-witted son of hers…

What were we talking about? Oh, right, the surgery. Apparently I can go home the next day – which suits this pensioner just fine – but I have to take it easy with the old shoulder, until the physio can get me back to fighting shape. I guess I forfeit the next badminton match Gerald, you rascal!

Well, that’s about all I have this time, folks. Remember to say your prayers and watch your pride: you never know when God will pull a tree out in front of you!