I Am Old

I am too hot. I am sweaty. I am uncomfortable. But there is no one here to help me and I don’t have the energy to help myself. I am elderly and I live alone with my dog Ivy. I am her sole owner now that my husband has died. I’ll admit it has been difficult, but every day I get up just for her. She needs me and I am not going to abandon her. But it is just so hard. 

Everything is hard these days, if I’m honest. By the time I have made Ivy breakfast, I’m too out of breath to make my own breakfast or even boil the kettle for a coffee. I’ve noticed this getting increasingly worse over the past six months. I didn’t realise how much my husband helped me out. We shared the chores and it wasn’t as exhausting. I miss him every day.

My daughter has begun suggesting that I move into a community nursing facility in Adelaide. I don’t want to do that. I don’t know if I could keep my Ivy and it would devastate me to lose her. She remembers and misses my husband just as much as I do. If I left her I’d have to put her through the pain of losing another parent (owner). I simply couldn’t do it to her. It would upset her too much. Where would she go? To a shelter? I couldn’t have that. So, no matter how exhausted and uncomfortable and hot I am, I will not go to community nursing. Even if it is better for me in the long run. 

Moving to SDA housing near the Adelaide CBD truly would be a good idea if it wasn’t for my responsibilities to Ivy. She means too much to be to abandon. I hope my daughter can understand. I would rather pass away looking after my dog than live a long life away from my dog.