A Terrible Secret

I have a terrible secret, one that I can’t reveal to even my closest friends. It is so horrible, so shameful, that I’ve taken to doing research in secret, whenever I have a moment to spare. I always feel like someone in the office is watching me, looking over my shoulder, waiting to announce my great shame to everyone. That is my worst fear. I’ve been having nightmares about that exact scenario. I awake in a cold sweat every time.

I don’t even know that I can tell you the truth, anonymous internet user. What if you know someone who knows someone who works at my office? Word spreads too quickly. Then again, perhaps a random reader might be able to help me. Alright, I have a question for my readers, one that is completely irrelevant to the topic of this post. Do you know where to find the best foot care treatments in the Cheltenham area? If not, just ignore that question.

You might think I’m being silly, but be honest, would you want to publicly announce to everyone that you had athlete’s foot? Not that I have athlete’s foot, mind you. That was just a random example of a thing someone might want to hide. I could just as easily have said I had noodle arms. Don’t read into it at all. Once again I would like to reiterate that I do not have athlete’s foot (or noodle arms). I don’t know why you keep bringing it up.

No, my secret is much direr. That’s why I won’t tell you what it is. But trust me, it’s much worse than athlete’s foot. Otherwise, I would just come out and admit it, wouldn’t I? And at this point, I’ve drawn so much attention to it that you’re unlikely to believe me no matter what I say. I wish I could go back and delete that entire paragraph about athlete’s foot, but it’s too late now. If only my keyboard had a working delete key! I’m going to stop talking now, before I make things any worse.