Like Sisyphus, I am bound to eternal torment. Actually, at least Sisyphus had fresh air and a solid end goal. I’m more like…Tantalus. I desperately desire something, in this case my freedom, but I cannot have it.
Alright, there’s no such thing as the perfect analogy, but I do know that if I spend another minute in Big Ben’s British Bed n’ Breakfast, I’ll scream. Scream, and attempt to harm myself with the commemorative set of royal wedding plates nailed to my bedroom wall. Charles and Camilla’s faces on a frilly gold saucer will be the last thing I ever see. I’m not kidding.
I know the company doesn’t have any more money to shell out for accommodation, but the annual Adelaide Tyre Repair Conference is on the other side of the city; I’m spending more on transport than anything else! The cutting-edge wheel repair and wheel alignment courses have been second-to-none, of course, but then I have to come back to my hotel room at the end of the day. No matter how late I arrive…it never changes.
Last night they announced over the speakers that all the rooms would be electronically unlocked and the power turned off, so that the hotel could be converted into a building-wide game of ‘Jack the Ripper’s Murder in the Dark’. Words…words do not do it justice. Basically, all the guests had to navigate the hotel while one of the hotel staff dressed up in Victorian garb and a scary mask, jumping on people with a plastic knife and ‘stabbing’ them. If you got stabbed, you were out of the game and had to go the kitchens to make crumpets and brew ginger beer (from scratch) for the winners. And there was a ceremony. Oh golly, was there a ceremony. Forty-five minutes of awards, trophies and singalongs.
I just want to learn about Adelaide’s best methods for car air con regas services, or what car repair shops can do to optimise their processes. I’m sitting there in a lecture about why log book services are more important than ever for current vehicles, and all I can hear is the Doctor Who theme being played by a choir of kazoos. That was the ‘wind down’ song for Wednesday night.
Please let me get food poisoning so I can go home.
-Alberta